Every Spider-Man Solicitation Since 2008

(The following is a satire, written by yours truly, Kello.)

This is it! "Severe Trauma" comes to its pulse pounding conclusion! As a gaggle of Spidey's worst foes, led by the brand new Vulture, encircle the hero, he is forced to choose between saving the city or the life of someone he loves! Plus, what is Harry Osborn's Dark Secret? You won't want to miss this issue of the series Subparcomicreviews.net called "a sure-fire hit", because nothing after it will ever be the same! By Dan Slott and some guy trying to be Paul Pope! $4.99

(I admit it, I love reading comic solicitations. I probably love new solicitation day more than Billy Madison loved "Nudie Magazine Day." But ever since Spidey went to a thrice-monthly schedule, every solicitation sounds like the worst day of Peter Parker's life. Between "Shed", "Grim Hunt", "New Ways to Die", and "The Gauntlet", it sounds like Spider-Man's enemies decided to just band together and beat him into a coma every other issue. As someone who used to love the book, I occasionally wonder what's going on with old Webhead. But every time I investigate, it looks like not much has changed from month to month...)